Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! After all, life is just one big dirty joke. For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. We didn't really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. But, somehow he couldn't find him anywhere. asks the doctor? ""That's strange," he answers. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. You're the father of quadruplets! The boy shocked us by saying, "That man was not my father. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. A modest number of hands were raised. "Look at it's hand. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. "The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.". "Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time". "Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir? "The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over! "The vendor replies, "Change comes from within.". ""Until you're 18", says the father.The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly. The chihuahua walker complains . The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" "Oh, god!" she exclaims. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. ", A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. My cat on my lap says she doesn't understand the joke and she would beat me in chess. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? Watch while I prove it to you.". So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?" During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento". Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." I told him it was in the bathroom. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" The barber finished giving the haircut but there was no sign of the father. A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: "Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!". What Happened to Danielle and Nick from Love is Blind? ", A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. "Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. ", so the nurse drinks that one as well. He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay? windowHref += '? "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. url("//cdn2.editmysite.com/fonts/SQ_Market/sqmarket-medium.woff") format("woff"); For a high school dance, the head boy asked out the girl he liked. Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee! On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. ", Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. I said that it had to be the most intelligent cat ever. If the answer is positive, scroll down below to check them all out! ""I wasn't," he replied. A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it! ", inquired the teacher with a sneer. Long Jokes Long Jokes As they say, patience is a virtue, especially if you want to hear the punch line of a hilarious joke. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. "Theyre all at the funeral. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight! One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. There was this one time that I held one for a moment" A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. She sent me a note: "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants." So I wrote back: "Give me the wine. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. Maybe he should commit suicide too A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? So, what should you expect from these story jokes, you might ask? My thermometer just broke.". We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it? Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. Her sister smiled and said: "Thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas. Carl had a big swollen nose. The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. What's the difference between oral and butt intercourse? When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Well, a variety of dizzyingly charming topics, for starters! The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender She said, Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis. }); There is no rush!" Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele. ", Two young salmon are swimming along one day. Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today. When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. "    " + What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. So they do this, and begin painting their room. They pass a bar and the lab owner says, "Let's get a beer.". Funeral director, "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem. "The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. ", A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. //